We have to learn how to manage our expectations.
I have studied many approaches to managing unrealistic expectations, from self-talk to deep breathing. Each approach has its merits.
But I have found that a prayer-based approach is one of the fastest ways not only to identify unrealistic expectations, but also to figure out what is realistic in any given situation.
The Problem:
When I don’t manage my expectations, a couple of things consistently happen.
- Number one, I get frustrated. If my frustration goes unchecked, it can easily turn into anger. When this happens, people start avoiding me—and if I’m totally honest, I don’t realize this cycle until it’s too late. People seem to have this mysterious ability to know when I’m angry before I do.
- Number two, I tend to put my unrealistic expectations on others. Believe it or not, people don’t like this. The net result is tension between myself and the people around me. Maybe you have had this experience and asked yourself, “why is everyone avoiding me?”
- Number three, I don’t work well on a team when my expectations are unrealistic. I end up asking people to do things they don’t have time to do, and the projects we are working on grind to a halt.
Four Simple Steps
Learning how to pray through my expectations in the moment has been extremely helpful. Here
are four simple steps:
- Put it into words. There’s something powerful about simply saying your expectations out loud (usually to yourself). When you do this, your brain naturally begins to evaluate them and make course corrections.
- Give it to Jesus. We need to learn how to give things to Jesus. I have found that many times when I am praying through my unrealistic expectations, I picture the hands of Jesus and simply place my expectations into His hands. Sometimes I lay the expectation at the foot of the cross. Sometimes all I have to say is, “Jesus, I give you this expectation.” Once I say this, I’m able to release it, and a more realistic course of action becomes clear to me. The interesting thing is that clarity doesn’t come until I release my expectations to Jesus.
- Ask Jesus for something in return. He may give you insight into what’s really going on inside of you, your team, or your situation. He might bring someone to mind that you need to forgive. Or He might give you a more realistic expectation that moves things forward. Many people proudly proclaim that Jesus is the leader of their life, but when pressed on how that actually works, they struggle to answer. I’m telling you — praying through expectations is part of how it works.
- Implement what Jesus gives you. This should be obvious, but I have found that I have the annoying habit of returning to my old ways once I feel better. This has forced me to cultivate the discipline of implementing what Jesus says immediately. Don’t wait. Don’t put it off. Trust that Jesus wants to guide you in the moment — and act on what you receive.
Every time I pray through my expectations, a few things happen. First, I get clarity. Second, I feel better—my shoulders relax, and a smile returns to my face. Finally, I notice that people like being around me again. That’s kind of important when you’re trying to create a positive environment that sees the best in others and calls it forth.
It’s time to get honest. It’s time to stop blame-shifting. It isn’t always everyone else’s fault. Sometimes the environment around me reflects what I’m bringing to it. They are the result of my expectations, my attitude, my agenda. When I pray through these things in the moment, a shift takes place. Things lighten in me, and then around me.
This is the burden of influence. I influence the people around me when I’m at my best, as well as when I’m at my worst. That’s why learning how to pray through expectations in the moment accelerates not only me, but also the people around me.
Give this a try, and let me know how it goes.